On Days Like These

...I miss Seattle.

Seasons

I went on a walk and remembered why I couldn't function in place that didn't have fall.

Someone owes me money

This weekend one of my best friends got engaged.

Jeffrey Scott Jensen III and Ashley Vaculin will be tying the knot. And I couldn't be happier for them.

Though, it is sort of disconcerting.

I remember when I first met Jeff. Thought his name was Jensen. Jeff didn't really have many friends in 7th grade, barring Josh C., who paid Jeff to hang out with him. But we met in 8th grade, so I can't really be blamed for that.

We bonded over Age of Empires while on his trampoline and never looked back. In 8th and 9th grade alone we attempted to learn Gaelic, Russian, Aramaic, Persian, Japanese, and Italian - talk about the epitome of cool. No wonder we didn't get girlfriends til 9th grade, when Jeff started wearing underarmour and I started wearing a fanny pack. We made most likely the best timeline projects Mr. Needham has ever seen, including the 45 pound miniature battlefield as well as the goat that somehow was made to represent the 13 colonies, and generally made everyone in our French class hate us. Jeff was always the best skateboarder, the best ice skater, and the best Awana verse memorizer. One time Evan and I punched Jeff over 200 times for saying biznatch and made him cry. This other time, Lee and I colored on Jeff's face all through English class. Another time, Lee, Evan and I pinned Jeff down in my basement and 'cut his hair,' throwing Jeff into rage mode, the likes of which we haven't seen in years. We weren't always very nice to Jeff; I think that's why he works out so much nowadays.

In high school I never really saw Jeff because he was always at Tiffany's house. Sometimes, however, he would grace us with his presence, and we would play Halo. Lots of Halo. Or Age of Empires. In the first semester of AP US History Jeff and I made Tyler's life a living hell, as he sat precariously between us on a freestanding chair. Let's just say his life was not made easier when he moved to the desk in front of Jeff. Once Jeff got a car we rode College every Saturday, rev'ing his NAS powered engine and strobing the neon lights beneath his car. His radar detector was the envy of everyone. Sometime in high school Jeff started imbibing protein like a ravenous goat, so we stopped being so mean to him. And Jeff's cupboards are like the wardrobe in Narnia, if Narnia were a supermarket that only sold chips and good cereal.

In college I never really felt bad for Jeff, because simply by moving home each summer he made more money than I would that entire fiscal year. Gig 'em.

We used to make bets about who was going to get married first. I think for a while in high school I was leading, but I'm pretty sure Jeff's been at the front of the pack for at least a year now. I definitely had my money on him, and I'm not sure who was betting on someone else, but I'd like to collect my winnings sometime in the near future.

I guess it's just a trip when jokes turn into reality. It's like relative motion. When you're walking and changing and living with someone for so long, you forget that you're moving. Then someone takes a step beyond you and you realize where you've come from, where they're going, and where you are.

I'm not where you are Jeff, but I love you, I'm happy for you, and I'm glad we've made it this far.

Crusades Essay

Google translated.

English-->Slovak-->Filipino-->English.

preferred translations highlighted.

Crusade of 1101 was a disaster. Section Lombard left Constantinople release Bohemond other Christian soldiers to complete the coming and soon was reduced to Anatolia by Kilic Arslan. Many other non-uniform wave Crusaders soon followed and met a similar fate. However, the destruction caused by this expedition Crusaders lose air invincibility and limitations imposed on their ambitions in the East: Palestine and Syria, security, and the walls of Baghdad and Alexandria, now a target. Although it does not mean that Latin ceased expansion, it means that the expansion is balanced. Movement failed in 1101 to reflect the general theme during the occupation of East Jerusalem in 1099 until the fall of Edessa in 1144: every aspect of creating a Latin-sided state is a seemingly obvious disadvantages positive inseparable, and facilitators follows easily killed with obstacles.
The expansion and defense of affiliates and important part of success in Latin countries. After establishing conditions Jerusalem, Edessa, Antioch and Tripoli, leaders are not just content to defend their current territory. Fulcher of Chartres, who spent 25 years in the kingdom of Jerusalem as the chaplain of King Baldwin, notice that "it is necessary that all the enemies ... must be printed on all sides and continue diligently, to cover them. "expansion is associated with defense by indirect weak enemy can easily attack the territories. But it is not directly related to defense, because a healthy body Knights is maintained only if the officers "means to reward land, property or money." In such areas with teeth, raised funds to support such an effect depending on the enlargement. King Baldwin followed Fulcher family, and his interest in 1118 to develop and implement adequate safe place: north, south, each port of Beirut, but the two are in their hands and the pressure of the tires were recently just-built castles Baldwin the border of Egypt was safe as the Far South Beer-Sheba and Jerusalem will influence extended to the east of Jordan castle conquered Montreal that Baldwin 'to conquer the countries of Christians. "
Expansion, however, mean more to defend the territory hauled a thin military force in Latin countries. Castles to defend the newly conquered territories, but an important part of control of the surrounding population, protection against enemies, and the population of the territory of the settlers, are expensive to maintain. Thus, rulers began to see the castles sa recently order the military, such as Beth Gibelin, which was granted sa 1136 in San Juan, is the 'lay barons simply could not afford the cost of defending the borders. "Wider area are not only expensive to maintain and protect, but also difficult. The site sampler Edessa which lie east of the Euphrates are hungry because of the weather and the fact that the country" lay among the enemy, as is surrounded by enemies on all sides, "while Mr. Joscelin to 'lay safe on this side of the Euphrates, and was enough crops and provisions of stock.' The problems of self is accompanied by acquisition of Edessa Zeng Edessa in 1144, Joscelin II is the County Edessa as Aleppo, the question remains, Edessa, if it is saved if the count does not respond easily to the risk from the east, while stationed at Tell Bashir preferred strength.
Baldwin mining expansion is part of the coast, held 1099 - 1124, suggesting dependence on countries in Latin reinforcements from the West. In 1101, many crusaders and pilgrims left for Europe. Only 300 Knights stayed in Jerusalem, Joppa, Ramla and Haifa, which left Jerusalem for Antioch's in a position to help others. Dire this situation led Fulcher announce that it was "a wonderful miracle that he survived in a country surrounded by many enemies, and even appeared as conquerors. This 'miracle' is supported by reinforcements from the band Europe. In Genoa, Crusaders were able to take Joppa, and Caesarea Arsufu sa 1101 and 1104, Acre-Baldwin I, tried getting in recent years. With the help of Norwegian Baldwin I surround Sidon sa 1110 and 1123 came Venetians ', with the help of God to expand Jerusalem and adjacent areas' goal helped to achieve partly because of wheel fouling. occupation of the coast is huge to help with reinforcements, but also allowed them to come first, the coastal ports' security lifelines come west. "The significance of the reinforcements will not remain unnoticed by the enemy crusaders. Arabic chronicler Ibn al-Athir wrote that in 1103 arrived in ships' gives businessmen, soldiers, pilgrims, etc., "points out Raymond Saint-Gilles used his successful attack on Tripoli, Ibn Al - Qalanisi, damascena current clock, recalls that in 1109 "This report came from the arrival of sea Frankish king (Sigurd of Norway), with over sixty boats full of pilgrims and soldiers to fight Isl ¬ am. The fact that the report of this incident reached Damascus suggests that the enemy Crusaders' designated gravity reinforcements arrived realized that means strengthening the otherwise dangerously located in Latin States.
The inevitable result, however, clarified the lawyer al-damascena Sula, writing about 1105, which stated that the distance backup, as well as the lack of Franks' Riders and equipment represents the greatest shortcomings. Distance from the Latin countries of Europe and surrounded by enemies mean that the supply and soldiers could be summoned immediately. Pilgrims usually arrived in the fall, so it was just lucky timing that has spent Jerusalem 1113 invasion to escape entirely, as pilgrims, who came falling 'knowledge of the major problems that the king and his men fought at the same speed all the riders and infantry rushed eagerly to the army. 'Although it should be called reinforcements are always on time, in 1137, priests and monks crossed the Byzantines, Franks and the neighboring countries of the Christian states increased troops and declara ... [ ed] that Zango Ba'rin ... exceeded all of their Holdings at any time. "When you recruit tour Zang took Ma'arra and Kafartab considered invasive Ba'rin also obtained by deal with King Fulka, within and siege was announced reinforcements coming to help. In addition, the reinforcements are often not permanent settlers, and so can not address the chronic deficits of the population, which is quite often happened in Jerusalem, as mentioned above, leaving many in 1101 or 1115, when The King Baldwin effectively colonize in Syrian Christian city in order to maintain adequate defense. Backup, of course, also encourage the States to coast over Edessa, which 1130STE "simply too little Western forces [their] disposal 'and' Mercenaries is very discouraging." Albeit useful, support is the lack of military independence in the east, to block the smooth introduction of the Latin countries.
Although Ibn al-Athir his statement that "it is friction between the Muslim princes ... We Describe how to enable the Franks cross country 'is too restrictive to properly express the complexity of oppression, there is much to this fact. conquest of Jerusalem and the subsequent expansion in Latin state is much easier, given the political nature of the pieces Middle East. Edessa owed his lips in cooperation with the Armenians, the alliance with Muslims neighbors and disunity among the rulers of Syria, Iraq and Jaziri. Relations between the Muslim rulers are flexible and moved immediately benefit from negative in Latin countries. This is the subject of back-and -below relations between Damascus and Jerusalem. Damascus struggled future king Baldwin on his way to Jerusalem in 1100, but retreated when he fought through 1105 Egypt, Damascus, then invaded Palestine sa Mawdud sa 1113, but closer to Jerusalem after the assassination Mawdud to avoid possible Seljuk and Fatimidov domination in the region. The détente policy emirate immediately east of Jerusalem, Baldwin went to the free hand to extend the north and south, and is therefore an important part of national security during its stable growth. Bloody resolve the Muslims, but not always so loose inside. Often, the direct benefits and Crusaders, as if Janah ad-Daul bombers kill to offer his relative King Ridwan moment to increase troops to attack Raymond Saint-Gilles sa 1102 rival Muslim leader no remorse go to open war with their Muslim enemies kresťanské''proti their 'brothers', as against the Seljuks sa 1115 , linking the pirate of Antioch, Damascus and Tughtegin Ghazi of Mardin.
The Crusaders benefited immensely from a fractured Muslim community is evident when reviewing the example of unity of Muslims. Mawdud attack was centered in Damascus in 1113 penetrated Palestine, where the conquered country, and was besieging Jerusalem, which was rescued only Frankish reinforcements Mawdud and killing the murderers. In 1119, Zahir ud-din and ad-dark worked in Aleppo "in action, agreeing to jointly hope that this result is the same desire." The desired result, of course, is the destruction of the Franks, which was completed in the field of blood. Fighting was marked by making the point on the fate of the Latin reads: when Jerusalem was still very quiet border, consolidation of Antioch has established and pursued Raymond completed Antioch rely increasingly come to Jerusalem for their safety life, spicy Edessa and left it exposed position. Despite links with Zango described Damscenes successful attack on Damascus sa 1140, the Crusaders lost Edessa four years later, the Army's Zang, increasing the Turcomans supported his calls for holy war. Thus, as the Muslim princes weld facilitate the introduction of the Latin countries, the unity-but-ephemeral spell a disaster.
But the Latin state is left only to the whim of Muslim leaders. Their rulers are active agents in the U.S., operated, and their unity and struggle play a large role in security as well as state Latin leaders of Muslims. There are many examples of Christian princes and acceptance of applications, support your brothers. King Baldwin and Tankred usually relieved Edessa, threatens U.S. forces Mawdud and Tughtigin in Damascus sa behest of Count Baldwin sa 1110 A prime example of the benefits of working in tandem, is opposed to a united enemy-Ghazi Aleppo, Damascus and Dubai king, satrap-arabic and King Baldwin II Count of Tripoli Pons Tell Danith in 1119, directly to the head of the pirate Count survived the field of blood. Although mutual protection is a priority, not from a sincere love for their common cause, but knowing that the 'loss of land in Turks and Bizanti will endanger them all . "It is quite clear that intervention is necessary to combine Squabbles leaders. Reconciliation began to remove it from the particular games, such as when Count Baldwin of Edessa and Tankred compete Turkish armed allies went to war for Tankred refusal to restore Edessa sa Baldwin, 'the main man in the country have seen damage done damage ... Council took the cross and brought the contestants to the Agreement.' When was awarded Joscelin Tiberias King Baldwin, although it was cast in prison by Baldwin of Edessa for his disobedience, is that the mind of the king, Joscelin can still benefit the Christian cause in the Holy Land.
Illustrates the need to add the fact that little piece of Latin plagued States. The legacy of always depending on the evidence needs to happen for power battles between hostile groups. Succession of Duke Godfrey Earl Baldwin built home against Duke papal legate and Daimbert Tankred supported Bohemond. After the death of Count Raymond of Tripoli, who set his son, William Bertrand Jordan against the direct impact of the crusaders, because William retreated from the invasion of Tripoli in protest. Hostility is also evident when the leaders tried to help. Bohemond, Tankred, Edessa Baldwin and Joscelin everyone involved in the alliance in 1104, but "set of ears in each before the disaster, so almost wanted to scatter and break up the alliance do." The result may be worse if they did it. In the field of Harran, and Bohemond Tankred fled, while Baldwin and Joscelin of Edessa was captured. The difference in the outcome of disputes between collaboration and shows a reduction in Antioch and Edessa in 1119, when Raymond of Poitiers and Joscelin II was a turbulent relationship with 'greedy hate', which lie in hard contrast the shares and cooperation Tankred Earl Baldwin, positive Antioch and Edessa united militarily. It is clear that variety protection is not always more power than mutual contempt.
When leaders work together, the Latin States is stronger. However, from poverty, such as differences in integrity, character and power, it is the four countries of Latin as a monolithic state, or at least four states centrally coordinated, rather than help the Christian cause. While decentralization has allowed the States to pursue specific programs, and focus on specific threats to their territory, far too often to maintain stability and unity in the region fell in Jerusalem: 'Anti repeated survival depended on by king of Jerusalem, 'and finally the close relationship between Edessa and Jerusalem after the death of Baldwin II sa 1131 Edessa forced to rely on foreign military assistance. Army contracts also played a role in linking as "the property of all Principality and integrity, no [they] sought to establish some insight, strategic planning their campaigns, and castles." But leave the organization of power in the hands of novice still Jerusalem or military order was not sufficient to address the problems of Latin States. The fact that Edessa after 1130 no new fortifications built by showing that "unlike their peers elsewhere in Outremer, are the resources to develop new projects in construction," and suggests that other countries Latin countries either lacked coordination, strength of will, or both, to give the money to Edessa, the most exposed area, for his defense. Edessa exposure inevitably lead to its downfall. But the fact that only 1144 fell Edessa is evidence that success in identifying the Crusaders and the four separate state within forty-year in such hostile territory and removed. Failed movement in 1101 led the state in Latin reasonable limit its ambitions sa Syria and Palestine, eventually facilitating their emergence an extension of the limits generally stay close to shore and so reinforcements, and worked with a fracture of the leaders of Muslims in the region. If one learned lessons from the debit-line, to split the action that lead to disasters and create a unified and coordinated military installation, which is centrally organized and able to suppress the differences in character and integrity to ensure the establishment of the Latin States in the east is much easier.

And all was well with the world

Handicap

Hockey was never like baseball.

Sucking at baseball, you'll remember, is how I met Evan.

We were remedial training partners. It was love at first awkward looking throw and bumbling catch.

I never sucked at Hockey.

I was never the best, but I was never the worst either.

I could never really stop with my left foot, even after 6 years of playing, but I never let that keep me down.

I was always on the best team (though never the superstar), and one year (the one I wasn't on the best team) I was even on the league leaderboards for total points.

Wednesday night, however, was a paradigm shift.

I arrived at the rink with my friend Jack to play ALTS, or alternative ice hockey, which is basically just non-contact stick and puck.

The first sign of potential disaster was at the skate rental. I give the man my number, I tell him my European shoe size, and he brings me out hockey skates. No. He brings me out figure skates. You know, the ones that have the jagged edge on the front just waiting to dig into the ice and send you flying onto your elbows and knees; the ones that are made out of a sort of primitive plastic and have no give in the ankles; the ones that are only sharp enough to cut via proxy - as in they are so dull they make you fall over and cut yourself on the ice. Those ones. They only had those ones.

As I laced up, the air up superiority with which I entered the rink was quickly fading.

It was completely gone by the time I hit the ice. Because I literally hit the ice with my elbows.

Step on, fall down. Not quite how I pictured it.

If there was one theme to the night, that would probably be it.

We were the third set of teams to play. During the first two sets, no one fell. I pop on the ice and fall probably 6 or 7 times in a three minute period. Halfway through the night, this random person is like 'alright, this round, you need to make it your goal not to fall down.' Even when I got semi-comfortable with the God-forsaken skates, I would forget myself for one second, one freaking second, and my skate-on-your-toes hockey instincts would come back then bam. Let's just say my elbows weren't very happy with me.

I wanted to scream, 'But I didn't use to suck!'

But there was really no point. My bleeding fingers, verging-on-hematoma elbows and knees, and completely wet pants and gloves begged to differ.

I should be allowed to stay at Oxford: Argument and Counterargument

Argument:

I am literate:

Me (in my paper): Therefore, the doubts of participants do not negate the assertion that the participants expected and were motivated by spiritual rewards; in their salvation-centered tradition, one could never be too careful. Tutor: [[A very important point, well expressed.]]

I am studious:

Librarian (as I place a stack of 5 books on the counter): 'Crusades again?' Me: 'Yep, I'll be here every Friday'

Counterargument

I am an idiot:

Me (again in my paper): the potential for material gain is always persuasive; the Gold Rush of 1949 [[Tutor: surely you mean the Californian Gold rush of 1848?]] and contemporary lotteries are indicative of this.

Counterargument 1 : Argument 0

Why We Travel

50% ain't so bad

click here

Quotes from 'The Shack' that I like

-no spoiler alert necessary-

'I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside' (11)

'Relationships are never about power, and the one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself - to serve' (106)

'Rights are where survivors go, so they don't have to work out relationships' (137)

'Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience, it is all about relationships of love and respect' (145)

'Being my follower is not trying to "be like Jesus", it means for your independence to be killed' (149)

'So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing' (155)

'Each choice ripples out through time and relationships, bouncing off other choices. And out of what seems to be a huge mess, Papa weaves a magnificent tapestry' (176)

'Guilt'll never help you find freedom in me. The best it can do is make you try harder and conform to some ethic on the outside. I'm about the inside' (187)

'Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value' (206)

'You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness they draw out of you. And the more you know another, the richer the colors of that relationship' (213)

'Forgiveness is not about forgetting...it's about letting go of another person's throat' (204)

Chronogeography

A couple weeks ago I wrote a paper on medieval cartography.

It's more exciting than it sounds, believe me.

On medieval maps, time and space were portrayed as interconnected: the here and now, the there and then, etc. Past, present, and future, too, were all interrelated and intertwined.

It really is a beautiful view of time, and one that I think we'd do well to incorporate more into our everyday thinking.

Because I'm not really sure we're built for the here/now. In our worries we attempt to exercise control over the future. We revisit the past and think of what could have been, over and over, though we know we're chipping at a stone that cannot be broken.

I think part of it might stem from a type of inferiority complex - we love fighting with eternity because it makes us feel the slightest bit more infinite.

But i think our preoccupation with the future/past (the 'there') denotes an intense detachment from the here/now. In thinking of what we could have done or will do better or differently, we ignore the present and forget that the only things that give us some amount of control over the future are our choices here and now. We try to get there without starting here.

And the problem is that it's really hard for us just to be - in the here and now. The present is, to borrow a term from Derrida that I don't actually understand all that well, 'always/already.' We view the present in retrospect, and in that sense the present for us is ephemeral. I think this 'impossibility' of attaining the present spurs us to live in the past and the future, because it's easier that way.

But I don't actually think it's impossible to live in the present, it just requires giving up our false sense of control.

When God said 'I am', it meant that he dwells in the ever-present. We were and will be but God is.

That, to me, signals that the only way we'll really ever be is in God, because our 'human condition' by itself doesn't really allow that.

Something Paul Young wrote in The Shack (which I finally read this weekend) explains it much better:

'When I dwell with you, I do so in the present - I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine...do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?' (142)

He goes on to flesh out what our preoccupations mean in respect to how we view God,

'The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love...To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe that I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you' (142)

Our detachment from the present is thus a detachment from God.

And if I look back in my life, I see that the times I've really felt present, really felt here, are when I gave up my regrets about the past and my false sense of control over the future and simply trusted.

Because in reality, that's all we have the power to do.